I Scream, you Scream, we all Squat for Ice Cream

What is my favorite food in the Hoch, you ask?

Saturday night Chicken Tikka Masala and Tuesday night Pork Noodle Bowl immediately come to mind. But you know what tops these and every other delicious meal served at the Hoch?

Ice cream.

Yes, ice cream is my favorite meal at the Hoch. It is simply unbeatable – cool, sweet, and creamy. During the winter months, the Hoch has consistently offered unlimited vanilla and chocolate soft-serve ice cream.

It’s been great, to say the least.

However, a momentous occasion has occurred for all ice cream lovers across the 5Cs. This week, the Hoch has brought back scoopable ice cream. Why is this significant, you ask? Scoopable ice cream means the return of beloved flavors such as Green Tea, Mint Chocolate Chip, Strawberry, Horchata, Cookies and Cream, and Creamy Vanilla. And for my dairy-free people, Mango Sorbet! In previous semesters, the Hoch had two choices for scoopable ice cream per meal. Yet, for their reintroduction, they included three (three!!!!!) choices.

Now, I don’t think you truly appreciate the significance of this occasion. With the return of scoopable ice cream comes the comical Ice Cream Squat ™ (credit: Hannah Dearman-So ‘25). These glorious gallons of ice cream are placed under a sneeze guard to ensure this wondrous treat remains sanitary. To respect the efforts of the Hoch to protect the ice cream, students must squat under the guard to reach their treat. Mind you, some flavors are harder to scoop than others. Combine this with varying amounts of ice cream remaining in the gallon (causing you to reach more) and various heights of students (causing you to squat more), and each student engages in a unique Squat for the ice cream.

Due to the popularity of ice cream, many students brave the Squat for each meal. During particularly popular ice cream scooping times, one must Squat in front of several other students. We are just so dedicated to the ice cream scooping cause. Is the Squat embarrassing to do? Yes. Do I want ice cream? Also yes. As a shorter individual, I take full advantage of being closer to the ice cream. I conclude that I am simply made to consume ice cream.

Do you like ice cream? Yes? Correct answer. Want unlimited ice cream per meal (pending availability)? Come to Mudd. As a student, as a visitor, as an ice cream connoisseur, whoever you want to come as – come enjoy this ice cream.  

It’s just too good to miss.